Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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