i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
