oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
