i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
