haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
