hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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