I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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