I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
