I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
