You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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