I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize