I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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