Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
