Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
