New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
