Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
