I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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