bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
