i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
