now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
