"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
