Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
