i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
