A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
