if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
