If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
