I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
