Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
