the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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