Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He shit in the fireplace
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
