I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
