I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
