Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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