I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
