We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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