if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
