WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
