You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
