he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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