cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
