Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
