Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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