i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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