Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
