I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
