I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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