So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
