dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
