It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
