She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
