Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
