I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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