im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
