I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
