Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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