I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
