my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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