i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
