Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
