I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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