I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
