just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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