hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
