Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
