tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
