Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
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ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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