What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
