ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
