You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
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