my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
