When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
