also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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