I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Im part way to drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
